Dec 22, 2013 | Bout News

Pain By Numbers: Garda Belts Ground Rockits, 130-89

The Garda Belts put themselves in a dominant position in the Minnesota RollerGirls home season race on Saturday, beating the Rockits 130-89 on solid defense and spectacular power jams. This is Fire Wally reporting from the Fabulous Roy Wilkins Auditiorium.

On the first jam of the game, Slambda Phage lined up as Gardas jammer against Rhea Volt for the Rockits. While Shiva Shankn held Volt at the front of the pack, Phage quickly passed all four Rocki blockers and called off the jam. Scootaloo followed on the next jam, taking advantage of a MadRad penalty to find a hole in the Rockits four-wall and score a five-point pass, putting the Gardas up 9-0.

The Gardas started the next jam equally strong, with Anita Spankston clearing the pack for lead while Dreidel Robber was stuck behind a constantly recycling four-wall of Olga Olgilthorpe, Citizen Pain, Slambda Phage, and Cassie Rolle. The short Rockits pack of MadRad and Salvador Brawlie then turned the tables, forcing a track cut by Anita that gave Dreidel a power jam opportunity. Dreidel put 8 points on the board to the 5 Anita scored before her penalty, making the score 14-8 Gardas.

Commander Nix started the next jam with Anita still in the box, allowing her to pick up lead jammer without trouble. As Anita re-entered the track, she hit a coordinated Rockits wall of Manila Ice, Betsy Wrecksie, MadRad, and Ana Stick. This foursome kept Anita behind them while busting holes in the Gardas wall for Nix, who scored 16 on the jam to Anita’s 4, putting the Rockits up 18-24.

Volt scored 4 on the next jam, but what followed was a long defensive stand by the Gardas, who held the Rockits to 28 points through the next 4 jams while Scootaloo, Shiva, and Phage alternated to bring the score up to 24, then 34, then 36, 40, and 57 while the Rockits remained stuck at 28. Even after Shiva got called to the box as jammer on a back block with 6:50 on the clock, Tara Bichapart, Soft Serve, Dr. Sorders, and Wolfe Bite contained Dreidel Robber for a scoreless power jam.

With the score at 57-28 and 3 minutes remaining in the half, Commander Nix beat some poster-worthy blocking by Second Hand Smoke to claim lead for the Rockits and forced a penatly on Scootaloo to open up a Rockits power jam opportunity for Dreidel on the next jam. Dreidel took advantage of fierce offensive blocking by Buzz TightRear to pick up 19 to cut the Gardas advantage to 61-52 at the half.

Second Half

Scootaloo started the next jam in the box, allowing Commander Nix to tie up the score at 61-61 with 17 minutes remaining in the game. From there, the Gardas invoked their namesake and locked down the Rockits for another four jam stretch. Shiva and Phage took advantage of a string of power jams to open up a 88-61 Gardas lead with 12 minutes remaining.

And then the Gardas reached into the weapons closet and pulled out Second Hand Smoke. With Commander Nix in the penalty box, Smoke jumped through a hole created by Scootaloo for lead jammer. While Knoxher Blockof, Bettie LaRude, and Myrna Ploy trapped a Rockit blocker as a “goat”, Smoke scored 5 on a spectacular apex jump, and from there the points kept coming. Taking advantage of a short Rockits pack and stellar offensive work from her wall, Smoke tallied up a 35-point jam to put the Gardas up 123-61, a lead they would never give up.

The Rockits fought hard through the end, with Dreidel, Volt, and Nix taking turns to cut the Gardas lead to 123-85 with 3 minutes left in the game. But the Gardas lead was too much to overcome, and the Gardas took their second win in the race for the Golden Skate by a final score of 130-89.

After The Whistle Bonus

After fighting hard for 40 minutes of gameplay, a special announcement was made that brought the Gardas and Rockits together in celebration. Shiva Shankn received, and accepted, a marriage proposal in front of thousands of screaming fans at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium. A massive red, green, orange, and pink group hug formed around Shiva and Isaac to congratulate them and wish them many years of happiness.

Box Score

GARDA BELTS — 134 Points
14 Lead Jams
13 Jam Wins
5 Power Jams
61 Points Off Power Jams
17 Grand Slams

9 Second Hand Smoke — 3-3, 43 points
22 Slambda Phage — 4-5, 41 points
FU Scootaloo — 3-6, 21 points
1072 Shiva Shank’n — 2-3, 16 points
18 Anita Spankston — 2-6, 13 points

ROCKITS — 89 Points
8 Lead Jams
9 Jam Wins
7 Power Jams
53 Points Off Power Jams
12 Grand Slams

D1 Commander Nix — 4-10, 45 points
8 Dreidel Robber — 2-7, 32 points
84 Rhea Volt — 2-6, 12 points