Oct 27, 2013 | Bout News

Garda Belts: Season 10

Captains: Tara Bichapart & Betty LaRude

Potential jammers: Seriously, take your pick. Slambda Phage, Second Hand Smoke, Frigid O’Shaughnessy, Scootaloo, Soft Serve, Shiva Shank’n, Anita Spankston, Tara Bichapart – every one of these players put up serious points last year (Slambda, admittedly, for a different team).

Last year’s ranking: 3rd

Number of Golden Skates: 0

Sure, everyone loves an underdog. For years, the Garda Belts have been the team that had so much potential. Fans have talked about the rebuilding years, while ex-coaches cast about in vain for the second or third jammer to round out their set. They are the default favorite of every new fan…but they are ready to trade all of that well-wishing away for the 10th name on the Golden Skate.

With last week’s showing at the Gilded Steak tournament, the Gardas have put their fans and the Minnesota derby community on notice. They are done rebuilding. DONE. The Garda Belts are ready for the challenge.

This year, Tara B and Betty LaRude want to send their Gardas to the top. Betty’s been juggling the blocker and pivot positions for a few years now; the fearsome, undroppable #222 has spun down her attacking dive bombs and is picking up wall tactics. Tara’s come off of a first year of captaincy with fewer jams to her name, but more blocking chops and an ability to catch players as they come out of the pack.

We asked Tara for comment on the Gardas’ rookies. “Maul E Coddle and Doctor Sorders,” says Tara, “are the true fresh meat in Garda Green. Both got their first taste of an MNRG bout at the tournament. Both are hard working and eager to find their groove on the track.”

Of the Gardas’ two transfers, Tara spoke about their transformative nature for the team. “Every one heard Slambda Phage ‘your lead jammer’ repeatedly at the battle for the Gilded Steak. Not only is she a force on the track, but she is becoming a strength [for] the dynamic of the team. She and Knoxzer Blokhof (formerly of the Fargo-Moorhead [league]) come with different ideas about training and strategy that the Gardas can work into their arsenal. Phage clearly stepped in to fill a void in the Steak tourney, but our traditional smattering of jammers may be a thing of the past.”

On the subject of last Saturday’s tournament, Tara surprised us by speaking to the foul issues in the Doll match. “We have a little time to square up some things before we come back to the track in November. The Dolls thrive on chaos [and are] often plagued with penalties, but it was the Gardas that made themselves at home in the box last bout. The Dolls only served 7 penalties – compared to the Gardas’ whopping 18 (which included the ejection of both Shiva Shankn and Phage)! Gardas will need to keep their cool and stay out of the box if they want to take the skate home this season.”

Gets ’em every time: Penalties will be a strong indicator of how well the Gardas will be able to do. Their Gilded Steak performance against the ABS showed how well they could control the track against weaker jammers when they had three and four blockers skating…but the loss of so many players to the box in the Dolls’ match cost them dearly.

Hit in the All-Stars: Three Garda Belts may not seem like a lot to lose. However, when all three of them regularly played as jammers or incredibly competent blockers, it has to hurt. Three of the Garda jammers have gone All-Star only. No Crust Almighty. No MEDUSA. No Moto Fluzzi. With Suzie Smashbox retiring last year, that is a LOT of talent to replace in a single year.

…but still most likely to flip the scoreboard: And yet, scoring is definitely not the problem; even with a loose rotation and some experimentation by the captains last Saturday, the Gardas scored a combined 139 points in their two half-bouts (more than any other team). The women in green have jammers to burn. Will they develop a wide set this year, or will they concentrate on three or four proven players to tear up the track?

Four to watch:

Slambda Phage – You can’t talk about this year’s Garda Belts without pointing at the Gardas’ draft of the Gotham Girls’ Slambda Phage. Slambda wasn’t just a good player for the world champions of roller derby; she was one of the great breakout stars of the 2012 worldwide WFTDA tournament season. Like so many of that storied league, she’s just at home with a jammer star on her helmet as she is with aiding her jammer. Phage scored 81 points over nine jams; if you’re a Garda fan, you might want to start learning how to pronounce her name…accent’s on the SLAM.

Soft Serve – Everybody loves Soft Serve except, perhaps, the people she recycles. Soft Serve’s only in her second year, but she’s already put in time for the MNRG All-Stars. Her presence on the track and unwillingness to go easy on her opponents should make every old-time Garda fan remember the days of Demora Liza and Desi Cration.

Second Hand Smoke – Kills. Kills. Kills. That’s what the Aquaman Army screams every time that this All-Star, this Team USA player, this incredible athlete puts on the jammer star. Another deep double threat for the women in green, Smoke makes you cringe every time she changes an opponent’s life with her thunderous shoulder – just as you cheer when she nails yet another apex jump. Has to hurt.

Anita Spankston – Maybe it’s her name, maybe it’s the shiny smile…but Spanky gets underestimated on the track. She shouldn’t: Anita Spankston will get the job done for you. Put her on the jammer line? She’s going to get out and get the crowd popping. Is she blocking? You know she’ll tag up with a teammate and make life hell for someone. This year – her 6th as part of the MNRG – might just be her finest. Watch her go.