Oct 24, 2013 | Bout News
Conflict Resolution Preliminaries: Gardas and Dolls move ahead!
Season 10’s first four games are in the books! The Garda Belts and Dagger Dolls upset the ABS and Rockits in the preliminary rounds of last Saturday’s Gilded Steak Tournament. The Gardas took the win with a blistering offensive attack on the Bombshells, while the Dolls inched past the Rockits for their go-ahead to the Gilded Steak championship round.
Game 1: Atomic Bombshells v Garda Belts
Jam 1: Slambda Phage (Garda Belts) vs. Fannie Tanner (Atomic Bombshells)
Slambda Phage, summer transfer from Gotham Girls Roller Derby in New York City (#1 in the world) and former D1 college hockey player, lines up against Fannie Tanner, a ballet teacher and mom known for her wide grin. Both women are in their third season of roller derby, and both jammed with the MNRG All-Stars in their summer campaign. Ten seconds into the bout, Phage commits a forearm penalty. The Garda wall keeps Fannie busy until turn 4, when All-Star Bombshell blockers Diamond Rough and Hurtrude Stein (Trudy) are able to capture second-year Garda and All-Star Soft Serve, keeping the pack back and allowing Fannie to escape. Gardas Secondhand Smoke and Scootaloo hold Fannie to only 10 points on the Bombshell power jam. 0-10 Bombshells.
Jam 2: Frigid O’Shaugnessy (G) vs. Freeze Baby (A)
Frigid O’Shaugnessy (OSHA), in her second year with MNRG, nudges 4th-year player Freeze Baby right off the line, giving OSHA a few precious seconds to try to break through the ABS pack. OSHA goes down at turn 1 courtesy of a Terror Swift/Skullateral Damage wall, but then Garda vet Betty LaRude knocks Freeze out of bounds at turn 2. OSHA commits a low block, setting up a Bombshell power jam. The ABS are able to split up the Garda, allowing Freeze to take lead and score a grand slam. On her next pass, the Gardas manage to tangle Freeze enough for her to score 3 more points but keep her stuck in the pack and force her to call it with 16:30 left in the game. 0-18 Bombshells
Jam 3: Frigid O’Shaughnessy (G) vs. Fannie (A)
Though OSHA starts this jam in the box, she is sprung when Fannie back-blocks rookie Dr. Sorders. GARDA POWER JAM. OSHA skates through the ABS pack until 4th-year Bombshell and All-Star SmokaHontas takes her out of bounds and recycles her back. OSHA bursts through to complete her initial pass and gain lead. Ump’s arms spring from the vicinity of the hairy mass on his neck to signal lead jam: Frigid O’Shaugnessy and the Garda Belts. OSHA slices around the outside of the ABS wall for 5 quick points. Bombshell rookie Ms. B’Hayvin’ heads to the box and Smoka gets trapped at the back, and OSHA pushes through the final 2 ABS blockers for 5 more points. On her next pass, D. Rough bumps OSHA to the infield and skates back to try to kill some of the ABS jammer’s penalty time and force O’Sha to the back of the pack. OSHA, demonstrating confidence and skill gained from joining the MNRG All-Stars this season, scoots around the outside of the pack for another 5 points. Fannie returns to the track and completes her initial pass – but OSHA takes quick notice and calls the jam off after scoring 15 points to bring her team back. 15-18 ABS
Jam 4: Scootaloo (G) vs. Hurtrude Stein (A)
Fan-favorite Scootaloo takes off with a burst of speed to the inside, foiling the 2 ABS blockers. Bombshell rookie Mugsy Maurader heads to the box for an illegal block on Garda veteran Citizen Pain that had cleared a path for Trudy. Scooty slides by the lone ABS blocker, rookie Steel Maganailya, and calls the jam before Trudy, hot on her heels, could score. The Gardas take a lead they would never relinquish, 19-18, with 13:37 left.
Jam 5: Second Hand Smoke (G) vs. Roley Ann Lena (A)
Smoke takes a moment to make sure her green line has a good hold on Bombshell rookie Roley. Then Smoke, perennial MNRG All-Star recently selected to Team USA, goes into warp speed and bursts past D. Rough for lead jam. Roley takes a moment, then squeaks by the Gardas, tightrope-style, on the inside line. Smoke pushes past D. Rough and Ms. B’Hayvin’ for 5 points and calls it. 23-18 Garda
Jam 6: OSHA (G) vs. Fannie (A)
OSHA takes the lead, with Fannie out just after. OSHA scores 4 and calls it off. 27-19 Garda
Jam 7: Slambda (G) vs. Freeze(A)
Phage pinballs against the ABS blockers and gets free, for the green team’s 5th consecutive lead jam. Freeze Baby snakes through as well. Phage gets caught on Bombshell Madame De Stompadeur, but the Garda jammer scores 3 points while backing into her own blockers, calling off the jam as Freeze steals 2 points. It’s 31-21 Garda with 11 minutes left.
Jam 8: Scootaloo (G) vs. Fannie (A)
Fannie finds the Garda 4-wall, made up of Stacy Wreckt, Myrna Ploy, Citizen Pain, and Wolfe Bite, nearly impenetrable, as Bombshells Boombay Safire and D. Rough give Scooty all sorts of trouble at the front. The women in orange finally push the Garda jammer to the infield, but Boom also drops, allowing Scooty to re-enter in front of Boom but not earning her lead jammer status. Smoka creates a hole for Fannie to sneak through – lead jam, Bombshells. Fannie and Scooty circle around, hitting the pack at the same time. The ABS let Scooty through on the inside line and Fannie pushes past the Garda wall. Scooty and Fannie hit the pack at the same time again, Scooty getting an easier go of it as Fannie gets hung up on the Garda wall again. Fannie calls off the jam before Scooty can score again. Each jammer scored 9, so the Gardas are still up by 10 points, 39-29.
Jam 9: Smoke (G) vs. Hurtrude Stein (A)
Trudy nabs lead jammer, and just as she and Smoke are about to arrive at the pack again, Garda blocker Olga Ogilthorpe pops Bombshell Steel Magnailya, discombobulating the ABS wall. Trudy gets a point and calls it as Smoke zooms by for two. 41-30 Garda Belts.
Jam 10: OSHA (G) vs. Roley Ann Lena (A)
Roley gets tied up behind a Myrna-Betty Garda 2-wall at the back of the pack. Meanwhile, the 4 orange blockers hold OSHA for over a full lap. Garda blocker and All-Star Shiva Shank’n shoves OSHA right into Bombshell Bully Jean, and the ensuing melee allows OSHA to finally grab lead. Roley, still fighting at the back, gets knocked out of bounds by Betty but finally forces her way past Shiva to clear the pack. O’Sha scores, sliding through a spread-out ABS pack, and calls it. 46-30 Garda, 6:37 left
Jam 11: Slambda (G) vs. Fannie (A)
Phage bangs her way past the 2 ABS blockers for a quick lead. Fannie is held for a full lap by the Garda blockers. Phage scores a grand slam as the two Bombshell blockers on the track try to play offense. Fannie gets free, but Phage scores 4 more points for a total of 9, and the Bombshells are held scoreless for another jam. 55-30 Garda Belts.
Jam 12: Shiva Shank’n (G) vs. Freeze (A)
D. Rough gives Shiva some trouble as Freeze clears the pack for lead. Freeze jukes past the 2 Garda blockers and calls it before Shiva can score. 55-35 Garda.
Jam 13: Second Hand Smoke (G) vs. Hurtrude (Trudy) Stein (A)
Both jammers get out, with Trudy lead. The ABS pack tries to sprint to the front to make it easier for Trudy to score, but they stumble on the inside and get split apart, leaving room for Smoke – and she doesn’t need much. At the same time, Trudy tries to call the jam, but she and Smoke score 4 points each. 59-39 Garda with under 4 minutes left.
Jam 14: Slambda (G) vs. Roley Ann Lena (A)
The pack holds both jammers for nearly a full lap before Phage breaks through for lead. Roley remains trapped by Garda blockers, who knock her out of bounds several times. Phage scores 5 natural grand slams plus 4, for a total of 28 points, putting the Garda up by 48 points.
Jam 15: Tara Bichapart (G) vs. Fannie Tanner (A)
Tara gets lead jammer and it’s all over. The Gardas take the first game of the mini-tournament, 87-39 over the Atomic Bombshells.
Box score:
ABS:
- Fannie (2/6, 23 pts)
- Freeze (2/3, 15 pts)
- Trudy (2/3, 5 pts)
Gardas:
- Phage (3/4, 41 pts)
- OSHA (3/4, 24 pts)
- Scooty (1/2, 12 pts)
- Second Hand Smoke (1/3, 10 pts)
- Tara (1/1, 4 pts)
Penalties: ABS 10, Gardas 10
Game 2: Rockits vs Dagger Dolls
The Dolls start strong against the perennial-powerhouse Rockits. Despite stringing together 5 lead jams to close out the game, the Rockits are unable to muscle their way past the Dolls, who win their first game in nearly a year and a half and move on to the championship round of the mini-tournament.
Jam 1: Shiver Me Kimbers (Dolls) vs. Dreidel Robber (Rockits)
Kimbers gets lead after a multiplayer pileup at the back of the pack sent Rockits rookie Surly Bird to the box. The Dolls hold Dreidel for a full lap, thanks to some excellent recycling, notably by Naughty Kitty, who returns to the Roy after missing the last half of Season 9. 7-0 Dolls.
Jam 2: Kayzilla (D) vs. Frau Scientits (R)
Kayzilla, a summer across-the-river transfer from the North Star Roller Girls in Minneapolis, busts through the Rockits 3-wall for lead. It’s Dolls veteran Hanna Belle Lector’s turn to hold the Rockit jammer up at the front. The Rockits’ Meshugenough plays some offense, and Frau gets out of the pack, forcing Zilla to call it after scoring. 12-0 Dolls.
Jam 3: Destiny’s Problem Child (D) vs. Rhea Volt (R)
Season 10 MNRG #1 draft pick Destiny’s Problem Child (DPC) gets lead for the Dolls, and Volt takes a huge hit from fellow All-Star Kimbers at turn 1; Kimbers chases Volt back up around the turn and hits her to the outside again. At turn 4, Kimbers takes Volt out two more times, with Madrad finally avenging her jammer by mowing down a clockwise-skating Kimbers. Kimbers gets sent to the box but is waved off, as BiPolarBear and Kung Pow Bitchin’ are already occupying the seats reserved for Dolls blockers. 17-0 Dolls, 16:30 left.
Jam 4: Naughty Kitty (D) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)
The Rockits get their first lead jam of the game as Dreidel scores 3, falls to her knees and calls it before Kitty can score. 17-3 Dolls.
Jam 5: Psycho Novia (D) vs. Madrad (R)
Madrad nudges by a tight pack on the inside for lead. Psycho pushes Rockit blockers Frau and Buzz TightRear way up to the top, but Rockit blockers Dreidel and Coochie Coup also manage to recycle back in front of the Doll jammer and hold her back for another quarter of a lap before she breaks free. Already scoring by then is Madrad, who gets hit out a couple times by Destiny’s Problem Child and Aurora Whorealis and calls it. 17-8 Dolls.
Jam 6: Sagittearitup (D) vs. Meshugenough (R)
Kitty and BiPolarBear, the lone Doll blockers, start up at the pivot line, and Meshugenough (Shuggie) sprints up to them, pushing through for lead. Doll jammer Sagittearitup cuts Cooch for a penalty. POWER JAM Rockits. Shuggie takes some hard knocks from Kimbers and Kitty – NOT two blockers that a jammer wants to meet up at the top of the pack – and Kayzilla, fresh from the penalty box, slams mercilessly into Shug at turn 4 to try to slow the Rockit jammer down. Shug recovers quickly and skates by as her blockers hold Zilla at the back. Shuggie scores a grand slam and the Rockits take the lead for the first time in the game, and the score is 17-18, with nearly 13 minutes to go.
Jam 7: Sagittearitup (D) vs. Rhea Volt (R)
Both jammers knock up against the back of their opposing jammers. Volt gets hit out and dragged back, while Sag skates forward, out for lead. Volt soon slides by the Doll blockers. Sag scores 2 and calls it. LEAD CHANGE! 19-18 in favor of the Dolls, and they don’t look back.
Jam 8: Naughty Kitty (D) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)
At the jam start, Dreidel shoves Buzz, her own blocker, right into the Dolls’ Naughty Kitty, pushing Kitty out of bounds and allowing Buzz to drag her way to the back of the pack. Dreidel glides up past the Doll blockers but cuts the track, causing a Doll POWER JAM. Kitty fights against the Rockit wall, falling in order to avoid her own track-cut penalty, remaining behind the Rockit wall for another lap until Zilla (with help from Winona Collider) sweeps the red wall off the inside line and into a huge pileup, allowing Kitty through. Kitty has a much easier time banging through the Rockit wall on her first scoring pass. Dreidel returns from the box and skates through the pack with 22 seconds left on the jam clock. The speedy pace of the pack prevents either jammer from scoring many more points. 26-20 Dolls.
Jam 9: Sagittearitup (D) vs. Frau Scientits (R)
Both jammers push against the back of the pack and wind up in a little pileup at the apex of turns 1 and 2. Frau recovers more quickly, gets lead and scores three. 26-23 Dolls.
Jam 10: Shiver Me Kimbers (D) vs. Rhea Volt (R)
Kimbers bursts through a split-up Rockit 4-wall for lead. Volt, hug up ‘til turn 3, gets a nice sweep from Madrad. The Rockit line hustles to the front of the pack just as Kimbers hits their wall – Kimbers scores 5 and calls it off. 31-23 Dolls.
Jam 11: Kayzilla (D) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)
Zilla smartly pushes 2 Rockit blockers to the outside on turns 1 and 2, then cuts through on the inside for lead. She scores 4 and calls it off. 35-23 Dolls
Jam 12: Destiny’s Problem Child (D) vs. Tegan N. ScareYa (R)
Rockit rookie Tegan N. ScareYa (YaYa) takes off at the whistle – unfortunately, that particular whistle was only signaling the end of the timeout. At the real whistle, Hanna Belle Lector (with an assist from rookie Kung Pow Bitchin’) drops the Rockit jammer with a massive hit. YaYa recovers in time for another Hanna knock, which she bounces out of and escapes from the pack. But DPC had long-ago been declared lead, pushing the outside half of the Rockit line forward enough to sneak by them on the inside. DPC calls it after scoring 3 and getting dropped by a Madrad shoulder on the apex of turns 3 and 4. 38-23 Dolls with just under 6 min to go.
Jam 13: Psycho Novia (D) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)
Dreidel gets lead, and Psycho also gets out after three-quarters of a lap with a nice little juke around Cooch. Rockit veteran Konceal N. Kari bumps Doll blocker Sagittearitup out of the way while Dreidel jumps to the inside, scoring 5 and calling it before realizing that Psycho had just been sent to the penalty box. The score is 38-28 Dolls, with 5 minutes left.
Jam 14: Psycho Novia (D) vs. Rhea Volt (R)
With the Doll jammer pinned in the box, Volt is contained by the Dolls for a full lap, when Zilla finally hits her – hard – but goes down herself, allowing Volt to break free for lead. On the next lap, Lydia Punch slices across the track, spinning Volt around with a big hip-check and keeping her behind the Dolls. But Lydia’s feet were moving clockwise on the track when she hit Volt, sending Lydia to the box while Zilla and the Dolls continue to beat up on Volt, recycling her to the back of the pack and forcing the Rockit jammer to call it, scoring only 5 points on the power jam. 38-33 Dolls, 3:30 left.
Jam 15: Shiver Me Kimbers (D) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)
That illegal direction-of-gameplay hit caused Lydia to foul out of the game. Dreidel fights for lead jammer. Kimbers, dropped by a backwards-facing Buzz early in the jam, takes another monster Buzz hit at the opposite apex before scrambling back on her skates and free of the pack. Dreidel sneaks through a spread-out Dolls pack and calls it off. 38-37 Dolls – it’s a one-point game with 2:30 left!
Jam 16: Kayzilla (D) vs. Meshugenough (R)
Shuggie takes the inside line and breaks out of the pack just inches before Zilla. This is the fourth straight lead jam for the Rockits. Shug sees the most miniscule hole on the inside, jumping past Hanna Belle Lector to score 4 points, but not before Zilla scored her own four. 42-41 Dolls, 1:30 left.
Jam 17: Destiny’s Problem Child (D) vs. Madrad (R)
Madrad starts off playing some defense against DPC, the opposing jammer. At turn 3, Madrad spins by the Doll 3-wall, but cuts the track with over a minute and a half left in the jam. DPC, meanwhile, fights through the Rockit wall but the Doll power jam is cut short when DPC commits a forearm penalty with 1:15 left. Both packs are at full strength as Madrad returns from the box. With 40 seconds left in the jam, Madrad commits another cut, and DPC returns to the track but is unable to score before time expired. After an incredibly exciting 0-0 jam, the Dolls take it, 42-41.
Box score:
Dolls:
- Kayzilla (2/3, 13 pts)
- Shiver Me Kimbers (2/3, 12 pts)
- Destiny’s Problem Child (2/3, 8 pts)
- Naughty Kitty (0/2, 7pts)
- Sagittearitup (1/3, 2 pts)
Rockits:
- Dreidel Robber (4/6, 14 pts)
- Meshugenough (2/2, 14 pts)
- MadRad (2/2, 5 pts)
- Rhea Volt (1/4, 5 pts)
- Frau Scientits (1/2, 3 pts)
- Tegan N’ Scare-ya (0/1, 0 pts)
Total penalties: Dolls: 14; Rockits: 7
Reporting from the track,
-Scourge Plimpton