Minnesota Roller Derby

Oct 24, 2013 | Bout News

Conflict Resolution: Dangerous Dolls defeat Gardas; ABS takes third

In the third-place round, The ABS came back from their licking by the Garda Belts, pounding the Rockits. Meanwhile, the Dagger Dolls bested the Garda Belts in the final minute of the night’s season-opening excitement.

Third-place: Atomic Bombshells v Rockits

The Rockit defense at times absolutely befuddled the Bombshell jammers in this battle for 3rd place in the home team mini-tournament. But jammer penalties handed the Rockits their second loss of the night.

Jam 1: Fannie Tanner (Atomic Bombshells) vs. Madrad (Rockits)

Bombshell Smokahontas plays some nice offense right off the line, while the other 3 ABS blockers (including some vicious dangling by Hurtrude Stein) contain Madrad so Fannie can get lead jammer. On her scoring pass, Fannie twice pushes past a strung-out Rockit group for 2 grand slams and 10 quick points. Madrad escapes the pack a full minute into the jam, zipping around to score but committing a low-block penalty as Fannie scores again and calls it. 14-0 ABS.

Jam 2: Freeze Baby (A) vs. Madrad (R)

Power jam, Atomic Bombshells. A scrambling red wall – led by Frau Scientits and Coochie Coup – stays in front of Freeze Baby for nearly 30 seconds, but Freeze finally gets free. On her scoring pass, Freeze swings wide on turn 2 and nearly clears the pack, but is knocked down by Cooch, and the Rockits swarm in front of her again. Freeze gets through for a grand slam as Madrad completes her penalty minute. 19-0 ABS.

Jam 3: Fannie Tanner (A) vs. Rhea Volt (R)

Volt instantly squirts by the entire pack on the inside line, thanks to a slick bookend by her teammate Buzz Tightrear – but is called on a track cut. Fannie fights against Buzz for over a lap before gaining lead. As both teams work to control the speed of the pack (Rockits trying to make it move faster; ABS slower), they lose 1 blocker each to penalties. Fannie notices Buzz turning her head away to holler at her teammates. Fannie knows that opportunity won’t last and dashes by on the outside of turn 2 for her second grand slam and 5 more points.  29-0 ABS

Jam 4: Madame de Stompadeur (A) vs. Rhea Volt (R)

Coochie Coup taps Madame deStompadeur (Stompy) out of bounds in the first straightaway, and Volt bursts out of the penalty box, streaking by an unprepared Bombshell line for lead jammer. Volt tries the quick-call-it-and-score, but Stompy steals 3 points – her first ever in a Bombshell uniform. The Rockits are on the board, 32-3 ABS

Jam 5: Roley Ann Lena (A) vs. Meshugenough (R)

Rookie ABS jammer Roley gets herself past Frau and Madrad and out for lead jammer, as Meshugenough is trapped behind the ABS 3-wall of Messi Jigler, rookie Chris Tea Pain, and Diamond Rough. Roley picks up 4 points as her enormous orange-clad fan base goes crazy. 36-4 ABS

Jam 6: Fannie Tanner (A) vs. Rhea Volt (R)

Both jammers are held for 30 seconds by some tough veteran blockers on both sides. Volt breaks free, however, while Fannie is held back and knocked down, over and over, by the relentless efforts of Buzz with help from Madrad and Dreidel Robber. Fannie fails to clear the pack as Volt circles the track for four natural grand slams, scoring 20 points. 36-24 ABS

Jam 7: Freeze Baby (A) vs. Frau Scientits (R)

Frau gets stopped up by D. Rough and rookie Ms. B’Hayvin’ as Freeze sails through on the inside, beyond a racing Cooch. Freeze busts through the Rockits for 5 points and calls it as her second scoring pass ends with a tumble at turn one. 41-24 ABS

Jam 8: Hurtrude Stein (A) vs. Salvador Brawlie (R)

Trudy plows past Betsy Wrecksie for lead. She scores 2 and calls it, 43-24 ABS

Jam 9: Roley Ann Lena (A) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)

Dreidel joins her own wall off the line, playing some defense on Roley until she’s sure that her wall has the ABS jammer contained. But when Dreidel begins jamming in earnest, she winds up with a faceful of Bombshell blockers, causing a 5-player pileup that allows Roley to scoot through for lead jammer. 47-24 ABS, 7 minutes left.

Jam 10: Fannie Tanner (A) vs. Tegan N. Scare-ya (R)

Rookie jammer Tegan N. Scare-ya gets lead jam as Fannie is caught behind a madly-recycling group of Rockits, led by Meshugenough and Konceal N Kari. Yaya scores 1 point before being knocked back and calling it before the ABS jammer could score. 47-25 ABS.

Jam 11: Freeze Baby (A) vs. Rhea Volt (R)

Volt snakes and jukes her way past the 3 ABS blockers as Madrad gives Freeze all kinds of trouble. The pack is racing so fast that it takes Minnesota Nice Captain Volt 30 seconds to come around for her scoring pass. She does score 3, before choosing to call the jam prior to engaging Diamond Rough. Probably a good call.  47-28 ABS.

Jam 12: Mugsy Maurader (A) vs. Rhea Volt

Volt starts this jam in the box, while Rookie jammer Mugsy Marauder stands alone at the jammer line. The ABS play some woman-on-woman defense, including key hits by Stompy and Trudy, splitting apart the three Rockit blockers and getting Mugsy a quick lead. On Mugsy’s first pass, Trudy takes out two Rockits to the inside line, pulling a cut on Cooch to give the ABS a 4-2 pack advantage. BerNasty commits a foul, leaving only second-year player Tiny Neurotic Terror on the track to deal with the Bombshell pack and a circling Mugsy. Mugsy scores 19 points – not too shabby for her first jamming effort as a Minnesota RollerGirl. 66-28 ABS

Jam 13: Roley Ann Lena (A) vs. Dreidel Robber (R)

Jigler, with an anchor from Diamond Rough, gives Dreidel a tough time around the first turn, but the Rockit jammer powers through, racing around to score 4 and call it. The score is 66-32 in favor of the Bombshells with fewer than 3 minutes left.

Jam 14: Fannie Tanner (A) vs. Rhea Volt (R)

Fannie gets lead after once again having to fight past the irrepressible Madrad, as Trudy, Terror Swift and Skully manage to stay in front of Volt. 68-33 ABS

Jam 15: Freeze Baby (A) vs. Salvador Brawlie (R)

Buzz lands a big hit on Freeze right off the line, and Brawlie sneaks through for lead jammer.  Brawlie jubilantly calls it after scoring 4. 68-37 ABS

Jam 16: Madame deStompadeur (A) vs. Tegan N. Scare-ya (R)

Scare-ya valiantly fights against the back of the pack, but apparently pushes Mugsy out of bounds on turn 1 and goes to the box for a minute. Stompy is effectively contained for the full 2-minute jam by a rotating combination of Frau, Shug, Madrad, and Konceal, but time expires before the Rockit jammer -can return to the track, and the score stands, 68-37 Atomic Bombshells.

Box score:

ABS:

  • Fannie Tanner (3/5, 26 pts)
  • Mugsy Marauder (1/1, 19 pts)
  • Freeze Baby (2/4, 13 pts)
  • Roley Ann Lena (2/3, 8pts)
  • Hurtrude Stein (1/1, 2pts)

Rockits:

  • Rhea Volt (3/6, 27 pts)
  • Dreidel Robber (1/2, 4 pts)
  • Salvador Brawlie (1/2, 4 pts)
  • Tegan N. Scare-ya (1/2, 1pt)
  • MeshugEnough (0/1, 1 pt)

Penalties: 6 for ABS, 14 for Rockits

Gilded Steak Championship bout: Garda Belts v Dagger Dolls

The Gilded Steak – that glorious, glittery mass of meat – will go to the winner of the Season 10 home mini-tournament. The Dagger Dolls, fresh off a first-half victory over the Rockits, take on the Garda Belts, who bested the Bombshells in their qualifying match. The score bounces back-and-forth over the 20 minute period, but a Dagger Doll power jam in the minutes was enough for the pink team to put the Garda Belts away for good.

Jam 1: Slambda Phage (Garda Belts) vs. Shiver Me Kimbers (Dagger Dolls)

Both jammers push hard against the back of the pack, Phage taking a tumble while Kimbers nearly escapes on the inside line before going down herself, allowing Phage to blast through for lead jammer. Phage scores 4 and calls it off. 4-0 Garda Belts.

Jam 2: Frigid O’Shaughnessy (G) vs. Kayzilla (D)

Some tough defense right off the bat – Hanna Belle Lector sends OSHA flying on the outer perimeter of the track, as Zilla picks up lead jammer. On her scoring pass, Zilla smacks into the back of Myrna and Betty, landing hard but recovering to finish scoring and call it off. 5-4 Dagger Dolls

Jam 3: Slambda Phage (G) vs. Destiny’s Problem Child (D)

During an official timeout to fix some of the tape on the track, Shotgun Millie and Kimbers do a really exhausting-looking number of pushups while Aurora Whorealis roils the crowd. Once the whistle blows, Phage drives the Doll wall forward while Tara Bichapart and Soft Serve give DPC a difficult time in the pack. Phage scores 4 as DPC frees herself; Phage calls it before DPC can score. 9-4 Garda Belts

Jam 4: Scootaloo (G) vs. Naughty Kitty (D)

Kitty quickly ricochets past the Garda blockers for lead jammer. Scootaloo takes a whip off Citizen Pain’s belt and gets through herself. Kitty gets two points and calls it up against a 4-wall of Gardas. 9-6 Garda Belts.

Jam 5: Secondhand Smoke (G) vs. Psycho Novia (D)

Psycho steals her way through on the inside line, with Smoke hot on her heels. Both jammers approach the pack and Psycho calls it, but Smoke flings herself across the apex, nailing the landing but only passing 2 Dolls before the fourth whistle ended the jam. 11-8 Garda Belts with 15 minutes left.

Jam 6: Frigid O’Shaugnessy (G) vs. Shiver Me Kimbers (D)

O’Sha takes a monster hit courtesy of Sagittearitup right off the line, and Kimbers accelerates right through for lead jammer. Kimbers comes ‘round, encountering a tough Garda 4-wall and scoring 4 points as O’Sha begins her own scoring pass. Kimbers keeps the jam going, completing another lap and scoring 4 more, giving her team the lead again. 15-16 Dolls, 14 minutes left.

Jam 7: Slambda Phage (G) vs. Kayzilla (D)

Phage bashes her way past every Doll blocker for lead jammer, Zilla hot on her heels. Dolls try to wall up at the front as the pack clips along. As Phage and Zilla approach the pack, Phage shoulders Zilla down out of bounds, but gets tangled in her own blockers and goes down herself. Zilla masterfully keeps her feet, gliding through the confused pack. Phage, trying to score one last point, turns backward, cutting the track as she calls off the jam. 18-20 Dolls, 12:30 left

Jam 8: Slambda Phage (G) vs. Destiny’s Problem Child (G)

DOLLS POWER JAM. DPC gains lead jammer quickly, but goes to the box for a back block, springing Phage back onto the track. This will be a 2-minute jam. Phage jukes around Lydia to complete her first pass and takes off around the track. The Gardas need to keep the pack nice and slow so Phage can score, but they don’t take the opportunity to trap Pow as she returns to the track after a penalty. Phage gets tossed to the concrete by what looks like Kung Pow’s elbow, but sneaks around Pow and Lydia to score. Amid a barrage of Gardas flinging themselves at her, DPC zooms through the pack, displaying marvelous tenacity and looking very strong in her first bout at the Roy. The jam ends at a 9-9 tie, with the Dolls still up by 2 points, 27-29.

Jam 9: SecondHand Smoke (G) vs. Naughty Kitty (D)

With a nice move we call the “spread eagle,” Smoke zips by the pack for lead. Kitty completes a surprisingly quick-and-clean star pass to Kimbers. Kimbers, now jamming, nearly clears the pack but is hit out and the Gardas recycle her way to the back. Smoke uses her incredible speed and momentum to glide past the Doll blockers. 33-29 Gardas.

Jam 10: Tara Bichapart (G) vs. Aurora Whorealis (D)

With only two Garda blockers on the track, Tara elects to play a nice bit of defense on A. Whore off the line. She plants her long-legged self in front of the diminutive Doll jammer, but A. Whore breaks loose for lead. Lydia Punch gives Tara a bit of trouble in the pack; A. Whore scores 4 and calls it off. Tie game! 33-33 with 7:30 left.

Jam 11: Secondhand Smoke (G) vs. Shiver Me Kimbers

Smoke burns it up the inside line but Kimbers is faster by a hair, and the two jammers race neck-and-neck toward their shortened packs. Smoke calls it before either team can score.

Jam 12: Frigid O’Shaugnessy (G) vs. Kayzilla (D)

Zilla aims for O’Sha right off the line, but the Garda jammer leans out of her way and pushes up to the Doll wall in the front of the pack. Zilla gets taken down by Betty LaRude, cutting Phage for a penalty. Power Jam, Garda Belts! But just as quickly, O’Sha cuts the track and heads to the box. Back out on the track, Zilla bides her time behind Phage and Betty, letting A. Whore sweep them both outside so she can pass with a minute left in the jam. O’Sha returns to the track and blows by the Dolls’ wall. Both jammers score again, and the score is 37-42 Dolls with only 4 minutes left.

Jam 13: Secondhand Smoke (G) vs. Destiny’s Problem Child (D)

As the whistle blows, Smoke leaps into formation with her team, swinging her deadly hips to take out DPC, managing to pull a back-block penalty on the rookie jammer and sending her to the box. Smoke plows forward into the Dolls 4-wall, getting some trouble from Hanna, then Kitty, as she completes 2 scoring passes, then a third, and finally committing a track cut just as she calls off the jam. Smoke put her team ahead by 10 points with her 13-point effort. With the sixth lead change of the game, the score is 52-42 in favor of the Garda Belts with 1:30 remaining in the period.

Jam 14: Secondhand Smoke (G) vs. Kayzilla (D)

Zilla takes an elbow to the face from Garda blocker Citizen Pain, whose turn in the box lightens the Garda pack to only two players. Zilla flies by two more times as her four blockers distract and split up Myrna Ploy and Stacy Wreckt. Myrna, stepping clockwise on the track, takes out a diving-by Kayzilla and is sent to the box for her trouble. When the jam ends, Zilla has scored 29 points to bring the score to 52-67, and The Dagger Dolls win the 2013 Gilded Steak.

Box Score

Gardas:

  • Secondhand Smoke (1/5, 21 pts)
  • Slambda Phage (3/4, 20 pts)
  • Frigid O’Shaughnessy (1/3, 9 pts)

Dolls:

  • Kayzilla (2/4, 46 pts)
  • Destiny’s Problem Child (1/3, 9 pts)
  • Shiver Me Kimbers (2/4, 8 pts)
  • Aurora Whorealis (1/1, 4 pts)
  • Naughty Kitty (1/2, 2 pts)
  • Psycho Novia (1/1, 2 pts)

Penalties: Garda, 18; Dolls: 7

Reporting from the track,

-Scourge Plimpton

EXTRA: Read all about the preliminary rounds of last Saturday’s Gilded Steak tournament.