Minnesota Roller Derby

Oct 15, 2013 | Bout News

Conflict Resolution 101 AND SEASON TEN Preview

Welcome Back to The Roy

YOUR Minnesota RollerGirls are back! Saint Paul’s favorite daughters are ready for their 10th incredible year of skating fast, turning left, and chasing dreams of derby glory.

This isn’t just any lump of meat painted gold…

To start the season off, the MNRG have called for the second annual Gilded Steak tournament. It’s a one-night tournament that will showcase the teams and show off their shiny, shiny rookies. The Rockits hold the trophy, but depending on how each team plays, it’s anyone’s to win this year.

Here’s how it goes. This Saturday, you’re in for a lightning-round quad header. Two teams will play for twenty minutes, then the other two teams. The losers of the first two games will play another 20-minute game for third, then the winners go for the Gilded Steak. At the end? You’ll be supercharged for the Golden Skate tournament to come, which begins on November 2nd.

Bout One: Ten years of Irish Protection vs a Decade of Atomic Mayhem

The Garda Belts (3rd in Season Nine) start off the night against the (MNRG champion) Atomic Bombshells. These teams haven’t played one another since November 2012, when the ABS overcame a 57-46 halftime deficit to win in the final jam.

Bout Two: The 10th team in Pink vs Nine years of Intergalactic Rock Stars

The Dagger Dolls also last played the Rockits in November of last year, though the Dolls will hope to erase that bout from our memory with their skating this coming weekend.

Bouts Three and Four: to be determined on the track

You should understand two things about lightning-round derby. With only twenty minutes for each bout, it’ll be difficult for any player to get thrown out on cumulative penalties. That tends to make the bout a bit harder-hitting…but at the cost of points. While individual skaters won’t get tossed, losing players to the penalty box will KILL a team’s chances at winning.

This is particularly true with regard to jammers. If a jammer goes to the box, that’s 5% of the game that her team can’t score. As always, the team that skates instead of sits will be the team that wins.

Rosters are waiting just below, but let’s run down your checklist for this Saturday night.

  • Tickets: You can pick up tickets at any of these locations until Thursday. From then on, pick them up at the Roy Wilkins Box Office, which will be open before the bout on the 19th as well.
  • A fiver: We’re trying something new and have devised an AMAZING, color program for the entire season. The new program is stuffed with goodness. It costs a mere $5, and whether you want an early start on the yearly PUNCH pass for the fan party, a good read with the interview with MNRG founder Head Trauma, or just want to be plain horrified by the page of Chad Eng (known worldwide as ‘THAT derby fan’), you’ll want this one.
  • Mittens and hats: In addition to autumn smashing into us like a runaway Rockit, MNRG’s door charity will be the Washburn Center for Kids.  Bring mittens and hats for kids that need it…and get a $2 coupon for this Saturday’s bout in return!
  • Your colors: Whether you’re planning to wear greasepaint or you’re going to rock a brand new t-shirt from this season, get that color on!

The lineups for October:

Atomic Bombshells:

  • Co-captain: Crowella De Vil
  • Co-captain: Messi Jigler
  • BOOMbay Safire (tentative)
  • Bully Jean
  • Chris Tea Pain
  • Diamond Rough
  • Fannie Tanner
  • Freeze Baby
  • Hurtrude Stein
  • Madame de Stompadour
  • Messi Jigler
  • Ms. B’Hayven
  • Mugsy Marauder
  • Roley Ann Lena
  • sandblasterHER
  • Skullateral Damage
  • Smoka Hontas
  • Steel Magnalia
  • Terror Swift

Dagger Dolls:

  • Co-captain: Aurora Whorealis
  • Co-captain: Naughty Kitty
  • Barbie Brawl
  • BiPolar Bear
  • Destiny’s Problem Child
  • Detroit Muff
  • Hanna Belle Lector
  • Hannah Shot First
  • Kayzilla
  • Kung POW Bitchin’
  • Lydia Punch
  • Norwegian Mafia
  • Psycho Novia
  • Sagittearitup
  • Shiver Me Kimbers
  • Shotgun Millie
  • Winona Collider

Note: We have a few words from Dagger Doll co-captain Aurora Whorealis on the Gilded Steak tournament: “We are beyond excited to debut our newest Dolls on our home turf. We let them get a little taste of derby blood in Sioux Falls a few weeks ago & we can’t say enough how happy we are to have them on our team! We can’t wait to show the best derby fans in the world what the Dagger Dolls are going to do this year!”

Garda Belts

  • Co-captain: Betty LaRude
  • Co-captain: Tara Bichapart
  • Citizen Pain
  • Dr. Sorders
  • Frigid O’Shaughnessy (OSHA)
  • Knoxzer Blokhof
  • Maul E Coddle
  • Myrna Ploy
  • Olga Ogilthorpe
  • Scootaloo
  • Secondhand Smoke
  • Slambda Phage
  • Shiva Shank’n
  • Soft Serve
  • Stacy Wreckt

Rockits:

  • Co-captain: Buzz Tightrear
  • Co-captain: Meshugenough
  • BerNasty
  • Betsy Wrecksie
  • Coochie Coup
  • Dreidel Robber
  • Frau Scientits
  • Konceal’n Kari
  • Madrad
  • Manila Ice
  • Rhea Volt
  • Salvador Brawlie
  • Surly Bird
  • Tegan N. Scare-ya
  • Tiny Neurotic Terror

Note: Just in case the Rockits lineup looks fewer-numbered this Saturday, Rockit vet Rhea Volt gave us this, “Let me remind you of that not so long ago memory, when the triumphant Rockits proudly carried the coveted Gilded Steak high above their heads with only 12 skaters.”

Hey, hold on a sec…what about the rest of the All-Stars?

If you’re reading this far down, you’re a big fan – and like all fans, you’re looking for some names that are missing.

The Minnesota RollerGirls have split into FIVE teams this summer. That’s right, the league has given the nod to some of their best to pursue derby excellence at the highest level possible. These women have gone, as we say, “All-Star only”. You’ll be seeing them later this year (and hopefully, you’ll have seen them in their incredible stands against the world champion Gotham Girls and the Windy City Rollers.

Led by Coach Dan, MEDUSA, and Hurtrude Stein (still a member of the Atomic Bombshells), these players now skate in the MNRG All-Stars Aqua and Army in the inaugural class of All-Star onlys:

  • Crust Almighty
  • Harmony Killerbruise
  • Juke Boxx
  • L’exi Cuter
  • MEDUSA
  • Moto Fluzzi
  • Scarmen Hellectra
  • Vuedoo Prodigy

A final production note: So…you like the new website? Well, get ready for some big changes this year; we’re planning a lot of new content, including a change of league reporters.

MNRG’s long-time writer, Garrison Killer, is putting down his pen after six years. It’ll be taken up by newly-minted MNRG volunteer Fire Wally (you can read his blog here http://firewally.net/blog/). But that’s not all; watch for interviews from players past and present as well as more stories from the track by fans and players alike.

Welcome to Season 10, derby fan. Hang with us. You’ll be glad you did.