Mar 20, 2013 | Bout News

When Stars Collide – The Preview

This Saturday, Minnesota’s premier roller derby league takes their shot at defeating the Texas Rollergirls. The founding league of the modern roller derby movement, the Austin’s Texecutioners are ranked 5th in the world. Minnesota is 8th. Minnesota’s never brought a stronger team to the Roy; get ready for an amazing sixty minutes.

But that’s not all. Our second bout is something new for the league. Two fans have gone and picked players from the MNRG roster in a head-to-head match. Captained by vets and sponsored by Archetype and ULTRA Marketing, we’ve turned the reins over to the fans. We’ll see what goes down.

Oh, and did we mention junior derby? That’s right, derby fan. There’s going to be something for everyone this week.

Texas (#5 WFTDA) v MNRG (#8 WFTDA)

The rundown:

Texas Rollergirls:
Founding league of modern derby
First WFTDA world champions
Ranked #4 (aggregate score 873) by Flat Track Stats
Ranked #4 by Derby News Network
Final standing in 2012 Championships: 4th place (defeated by Denver, 210-199)

Minnesota RollerGirls:
Ranked #9 (aggregate score 849) by Flat Track Stats
Ranked #10 by Derby News Network
Final standing in 2012 Championships: finished in quarter-finals (defeated by Oly, 218-125)

Texas.

The story of 21st-century roller derby begins in Texas. Austin, of course. You’d sort of expect that. Before the Texas Rollergirls, derby wasn’t played on the flat track. Derby was barely a sport at that point. Texas made it real…and MNRG’s story began with a road trip of three sisters to see this new women’s sport. If you’re a fan of roller derby, it’s because of Texas that you’re reading this. What’s more, Texas didn’t have anyone to play at the beginning, so they bouted against themselves. We took their hometeam model, brought it up I-35, and planted in the frozen ground of Minnesota.

Texas.

Are you new to interleague games? Is this your first time seeing roller derby played at the highest level? Get ready; Texas is one of the best teams in the world…and they’re bringing their fourteen to the Roy.

The Texecutioners have played us before. They brought us down at the 2011 WFTDA championships in the quarterfinals in a close heartbreaker of a bout (141-108). Their pack rattled us in the closing minutes while early penalties in the bout sent us to the box as the second half wore on.

This time, we’re ready.

Texas isn’t a unstoppable monster; they’re a team. Now, this team plays solid roller derby. They score with the best of them and their defense can shatter the strongest will.

But they’ve come to the Roy. They can be defeated; Windy City took them out in mid-August – right around the time we played them to a standstill. They’re playing Minnesota’s fourteen in front of their fans.

What’s more, this one counts; this bout is the opening salvo for both leagues as they start down the long road to the WFTDA trophy.

So who are we bringing to the fight?

Buzz Tight Rear – Blocker. Jammer hammer. Brutalizer.
Commander Nix – D1 is back in the aqua and army. A leaf in the wind.
Crust Almighty – Nothing like the Garda’s finest to shoulder open a lane or snap it shut.
Diamond Rough – The ABS’ pivot and heart returns to the All-Stars.
Harmony Killerbruise – The MNRG’s scoring machine for years. Harmony gets it done.
Hurtrude Stein – The new co-captain of the All-Stars will end you.
Juke Boxx – Err. You have seen this player, right? ’nuff said.
Second Hand Smoke – #9. Will she jam? Will she jam someone’s heart through their ribcage with her shoulder?
L’exi-Cuter – Once she nails her first lead, one-eight-seven can’t be stopped. Ever. Seriously; the woman enjoys back-to-back bouting in tournament season.
MEDUSA – Co-captain of the MNRG All-Stars. This Team USA player had an incredible game the last time she met Texas on the flat track. Look for a repeat.
Scarmen Hellectra – The vet. Dangerous as ever. Ready for a return to derby at the highest level.
Shiva Shankin – has no low gear. A dervish of wheels and animosity.
Shiver Me Kimbers – Want to grow up and be a blocker? Start watching #667 and take notes.
Venus Thightrap – Team player in the pack; clutch jammer when you need it. Smarter than you. She’s the whole package.

Texas’ roster is filled with talent as well. For insight into the Texas machine (particularly the pack), check out our interview with Desi Cration.

Texas’ roster:
02 Shortcut
03 Olivia Shootin’ John
108 Fifi Nomenon
12 Debella Deball
1600 Barbara Ambush
19 Molotov M. Pale
22 Polly Gone
222 Desi Cration
30 Bloody Mary
310 Notorious DIE
33 Luce Bandit
5 Smarty Pants
55 Hauss The Boss
86 The Killa’ Sal Monella
989 Killbox
92 Flash Gorgeous

The biggest X-factor this weekend will be the new ruleset. With minor penalties a nasty memory and instant jammer starts, the teams will play one another on a new field. The players will likely be testing the referees in the opening minutes to see what the limits are of how much physical contact will be allowed.

This should be good.

ULTRA Outlaws v Arche-Enemies

ULTRA Creative and Archetype (two of our sponsors) have decided to get in on the game a bit more this year by sponsoring the first bout of the night….though there’s a twist.

Though ULTRA and Archetype have lent their names to the two teams, we’ve also asked two of our fans on Facebook to select the rosters. With a nod to the elementary playground, the guest coaches were asked to do a schoolyard pick of their teams.

The rosters:

Team Ultra Outlaws
Guest coach: Troy aka “T-Rex”
 
Co-captains: Abbie Mischief and Messi Jiggler
Ana Stick
Anita Spankston
Aurora Whorealis
Bombs Over Bacon
Dementia Darling
Detroit Muff
Dreidel Robber
Emma Lethal
Frau Scientits
Killahertz
Konceal n’ Kari
Lizzy the Axe
Mitzi Massacre
Olga Ogilthorpe
Rhea Volt
Scootaloo
Sinaminn
Skullateral Damage
Soft Serve
Stacy Wreckt
Vuedoo Prodigy

Team Arche-Enemies
Guest Coach: Krystal aka “Sugar Beat Down”
 
Co-captains: Citizen Pain and Ova Achieva
Bernasty
Betsy Wrecksie
Boombay Safire
Bully Jean
Cleosplatra
Fannie Tanner
Flora Flipabitch
Freeze Baby
Frigid O’Shaughnessy
Hanna Belle Lector
Hannah Shot First
Killsey McMurder
Lydia Punch
Madrad
MeshugEnough
Norwegian Mafia
Pain Gretzky
Saggitearitup
Salvador Brawlie
Smoka Hontas
Suzie Smashbox
Tara Bitchapart

This’ll be a glorious, chaotic bout. All the teams are prepping for the season championship in two weeks; individuals will want to try out a few last tricks before the big dance begins.

For the preshow: it’s Des Moines Derby Brats taking on our own TCJRD. Junior derby may be adorable, but this will be a full bout with teams of fourteen. Get there early for some juniors action, then get ready to stand for your mighty MNRG skaters at 7:30!