Mar 27, 2013 | Bout News
Arche-Enemies beat Ultra Outlaws 110-61
By Fire Wally, filling in for league reporter Garrison Killer
Archetype‘s Arche-Enemies vs. Ultra Creative‘s Ultra Outlaws
The Minnesota RollerGirls took a new approach to forming the teams for this league mixer bout. The team names were inspired by two of our favorite sponsors: Ultra Creative’s Ultra Outlaws vs. Archetype’s Arche-Enemies. Fan contest winners T-Rex and Sugar Beat Down had the honor of choosing the teams playground-style and serving as Guest Bench Coaches for the evening. After 40 minutes of fast, fluid roller derby, The Arche-Enemies hung a sign on a 110-61 victory. Here were the highlights:
First Half
Jam 1: A power jam for the Outlaws’ Bombs Over Bacon, who picks up 4 points wearing her usual ear-to-ear grin before an Enemies three-wall of Betsy Wrecksie, Norwegian Mafia, and Citizen Pain forces a call-off.
Jam 2: Arche-Enemy Freeze Baby comes out of the box to score 4 against her fellow Bombshell Lizzie The Axe.
Jam 6: Ova Acheiva gets a quick lead jammer call, Saggitearitup punches a hole in the Outlaw wall earning the Enemies 4. Enemies lead 13-7.
Jam 7: On a Freeze Baby power jam, Scootaloo makes a quick cut across the track to knock Freeze out of bounds, but gets called on a forearm penalty. Outlaw bench faintly heard screaming “Worth it!”
Jam 8: Another power jam for the Enemies, this time for Fannie Tanner. Dang, wasn’t she a rookie like 10 minutes ago? She just put up 21 points. Tara Bichapart and Flora Flipabitch trap an Outlaw goat to release Fannie on her last complete pass. Enemies up 49-7.
Jam 9: Outlaws Killahertz and Konceal’N Kari hold Bacon at the front while Vuedoo Prodigy makes Saggitearitup’s life difficult in the back. Killahertz causes a “Rule Five Violation” between turns 3 and 4.
Jam 10: Messi Jiggler clears a path for Bacon coming out of the box. Salvador Brawlie shows great track awareness and waves in Betsy Wrecksie back to the track after the skater who pushed her out crossed over the line herself. Both jammers put points on the board, Enemies lead 57-14.
Jam 11: Suzie Smashbox lines up against Scootaloo: was a classic rivalry, now it’s a Garda Showdown. Suzie’s through the middle for lead. Olga Ogilthorpe (another Doll-turned-Garda) knocks Suzie to the inside as she comes in for her scoring pass, keeping her to 3 points.
Jam 13: It ain’t easy getting through a four-wall of C-Pain, Betsy, Ova, and Freeze Baby, but Vuedoo Prodigy sure just made it look easy.
Jam 14: Fannie and Lizzie face down on the jammer line looking ferocious, end up blowing each other kisses to end the half. There’s the Atomic Bombshells for you. Enemies up 65-18 at halftime.
Second Half
Jam 1: Madrad is new to MNRG, but you wouldn’t know it from how she just snuck by Scootaloo. Scootaloo is quick to blast an opening for Anita Spankston though. Madrad scores 2 for the Enemies.
Jam 2: Fannie and Dreidel Robber take turns serving very quick penalties, Tenacious blocking from Smoka Hontas keeps Dreidel in the pack allowing the enemies to outscore the Outlaws 9-4.
Jam 4: Lizzie The Axe gets out to an early lead jammer, but Cleosplatra sneaks past Messi to put the pressure on. Lizzie puts 4 on the board, making some progress for the Outlaws, who now trail 26-80.
Jam 6: Abbie Mischeif starts on a power jam for the Outlaws. Ana Stick serves up a hole for her on the outside of the pack. Suzie Pushes out Abbie on the scoring pass, but Sinaminn springs into action and pushes Suzie out, allowing Abbie to come in ahead of the blocker without committing a track cut: textbook jammer assistance.
Jam 7: Hanna Belle Lector is still in the box as the Enemies’ jammer, so now Bombs Over Bacon gets a chance for a power jam. Citizen Pain and BOOMbay Safire hold Bacon at the front of the pack, allowing Hanna to race in and grab lead jammer status from the penalty box, then score 5.
Jam 8: We see Smoka Hontas mostly as a blocker during the home season, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any fancy moves up her sleeve. She jukes EmaLeethal to become lead jammer. Ema gets her back on the scoring pass, though, as she holds Smoka long enough for Lizzie to even the score, making it a 4-4 jam. Enemies are up 89-33.
Jam 9: Scootaloo gets called on a track cut right out of the gate. Giving MeshugEnough a “Minivan” situation – full seats in the opponent’s box, and the perfect opportunity to put points on the board. MeshugEnough takes full advantage, with a fake to the inside, juke to the outside move against Messi Jiggler on her third pass. Shug sees how quickly the tables turn, however, when she gets called for a back block on the next pass.
Jam 10: The Tables turn back around as an Outlaw jammer penalty gives Shug another power jam opportunity, but this time she is contained behind a line of Ana Stick, Sinaminn, and Rhea Volt, who minimize the damage.
Jam 11: More dominant Outlaw blocking, this time from Kari, Frau Scientits, and Detroit Muff give KillaHertz the opportunity to strike back against the Enemies. Stuck in the pack, The Enemies attempt a Star Pass (passing the jammer’s helmet cover from jammer to pivot), which would have allowed the Fannie Tanner to become jammer for the duration of the jam. However, a snafu with the helmet cover sent Fannie to the box on an out of play penalty. That left kHz alone on the track to catch a perfectly executed whip from Bombs Over Bacon and sneak through the Enemy wall for another high-five. Outlaws now trail 57-108.
Jam 14: The Outlaws take one last stab at the Enemies, lining up Rhea Volt against Suzie Smashbox on the jammer line. Dreidel Robber pushes Suzie out of bounds and then recycles her to the back of the pack, giving Rhea Volt the lead jammer call. Bully Jean manages one last massive hit before the whistle blows, knocking Rhea to the ground, but she recovers, finishes her scoring pass, and calls off the last jam.