Minnesota Roller Derby

Feb 27, 2013 | Bout News

In Like a Lion, Out with a Slam – The Preview

The MNRG hit the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium’s storied track this Saturday for the final stop on the hometeam round-robin tournament. Two games remain before April’s 1st- and 3rd-place bouts. The Rockits and Garda Belts will play for the final entry in the championship, while the undefeated Atomic Bombshells take on the Dagger Dolls (2012’s MNRG hometeam victors.)

There are three teams remaining in the hunt for the season championship. Only the Dagger Dolls have been eliminated. On Saturday, we will meet the Dolls’ opponent – and we’ll see who skates for gold in April.

For a chance to raise the Skate:

Garda Belts (1-1) vs Rockits (1-1)

If you’re new to the MNRG, understand this: this is a huge bout. You’re going to hear the cheers of YEARS of pent-up emotion from the stands this weekend.

Why is a big frickin’ deal.

  • Winner goes to the Championship game. With both teams at 1-1, the winner of this match will play the Atomic Bombshells in April. No point differentials, no last-minute losses. The Garda Belts and the Rockits control their destinies.
  • The Gardas last defeated the Rockits in December 2005. That’s not the kind of record anyone wants to keep. The Garda Belts want to end that streak out this weekend. That’s a long time for this league – only four players from that match even skate today for the MNRG *. Hell, we had a penalty wheel back in those days.
  • The Rockits have always skated for the championship. Every season the Rockits have played, the championship bout has always been “The Rockits and…[other team here]”** . The Rockits face a must-win scenario to keep that streak alive.*Killahertz(R), Lydia Punch(R), Mitzi Massacre(GB), and Scarmen Hellectra(R)
    **All right. The Rockits did not play in our first season championship, but the Rockits didn’t exist in season one (see: Silver Bullets)

    Those are the stakes. Here’s what you should watch for on Game Day.

    Welcome back. Three vets are returning to the home teams in this bout. The Garda fans get the return of the green speedster, Cassie Rolle. Her speed is going to be much needed in picking up Rockit jammers in the front and keeping them in the pack. Frau Scientits? The Rockits have been waiting for this magnet-questioning triple threat to get back on the track all winter. Then there’s Vuedoo Prodigy. The Rockits and the All-Stars have not had Vue’s dangerous hips and shoulders for a year now. Get ready for business to pick up.

    All the jammers (March edition): As in the November bout, the Gardas put up five jammers that scored double-digits. The Gardas have never had this much talent at the jammer line. We’ll see whether co-captains Wolfe Bite and Tara Bichapart take a shotgun approach again – playing eight jammers and seeing what sticks – or if they concentrate their jammer pool down to four or five who can sift through that initial Rockit scrum. If so, expect a lot of play from Crust Almighty, Tara, MEDUSA, and Second Hand Smoke; that grouping plays double-duty as blockers and jammers in the Garda rotation. Watch, too, for OSHA (Frigid O’Shaughnessy) and Anita Spankston – both had solid showings at the jammer line in February.

    The pack is…where? The Rockits have been known for keeping their walls tight, fast, and smart. They fell apart due to foul trouble in the January bout. This can’t happen again; Rockit jammers put up the big scores because they can take it as a given that their blockers will do the right thing. Whether that’s knocking an opposing player out for fast points or getting up to the front FAST while Harmony comes around with her opponent hot on her heels, the Rockits will need everyone at the top of their game for their jammers to ignite.

    Not playing this weekend: Stacy Wreckt, Kit Shinkicker, Dementia Darling, Myrna Ploy, Wanda Wreckonwith, Pain Gretzky

    Go undefeated or rack up a win:

    Atomic Bombshells (2-0) vs Dagger Dolls (0-2)

    The unbeaten Atomic Bombshells have a pass on their bout; no matter their outcome against the Dagger Dolls in Saturday’s game, the ABS are through to the hometeam finals. They smooshed the Rockits in January and defeated the Gardas in the final jam of their November bout.

    The Dolls…well, the Dolls may be out of the running, but that doesn’t change their standing. They’re the 2012 champions. They live the sport, and they’re building a team for season ten and beyond. And…yeah. Of course, they want to win.

    Welcome (and welcome back) to the Roy: First things first…this weekend, we welcome a new Dagger Doll to the track. Detroit Muff – an original member of the MNRG Debu-Taunts recreational league – gets her first shot at the big time against the Atomic Bombshells. Another member of that original group of ‘Taunts – 2012 rookie of the year, Fannie Tanner – returns as well. The Bombshells get her clean, fast strides for the last two bouts of the season. Welcome back, #2.

    Rise of the rookies: With Naughty Kitty, Psycho Novia, and Angelfire out of play, the Dolls must look to their newest players for the points. Saggittearitup had an outstanding bout in January, scoring 21 points against a terrifying Garda pack. Other rookie Dolls are just off to the sides, waiting for the jammer cover…but the rookies also must start leading as blockers. The ABS pack is filled with veteran blockers that are just looking for opponents to goat and knock down. The Doll rookies have been training all year to be more than an easy point. This can be where the new Dolls start to define their method of domination.

    Not doing it all: This season, we’ve seen a number of players take on heroic amounts of responsibility within the pack. It’s a tradition in roller derby; strong players try to do it all, but they simply can’t be all over the track at the same time. Sometimes it works out; often it means too many trips to the penalty box. Watch the captains of these two teams from the stands this time. At this point in the season, the plans and training by Diamond Rough, Ema Leethal, Tiki Torture, and Lydia Punch have been implemented. This will be the bout where we see these four players set their teams in motion, then sit back (or, more likely, be joyfully in the midst of the carnage) and watch their hard work unfold.

    Not playing this weekend: Angelfire, Naughty Kitty, Crowella de Vil, CleoSPLATra, Mitzi Massacre

    Your bonus for reading to the bottom:
    The Dagger Dolls went to the Mall. Yes, yes they did.
    The Rockits have been coming out for years to the Beastie Boys. Killahertz decided to stretch her musical legs a little and mashed it with Thrift Shop. Yeah, her number’s 808 for a reason.
    Garda fans: your team has something special for you; watch the Garda Belt facebook page in the next day or two. Yes, it’s a video. There are early reports of epicness.